Twas the Night Before 2020 Christmas
’Twas the night before Christmas, when through all their houses,
Families were clicking on Zoom with their mouses.
The gifts had been shipped USPS with care,
Since none of the givers could go anywhere.
The children preparing to sleep in home beds,
Were dreaming of Grandma and Grampa’s instead,
And I on the west coast, a cat in my lap,
Could not risk the danger of crossing the map.
For out in the world was a troublesome matter;
Ignoring it made one as mad as a hatter.
While some chose behavior both careless and brash,
We distanced and masked and threw plans in the trash.
We chat as the light of computer-screen glow
Gives the luster of death like we’re all in The Crow.
But still it’s delight when those faces appear,
Of friends and the family we hold the most dear.
We’d hoped isolation would be over quick,
But that was a dream given President Dick.
More rapid than eagles incompetence came
As he treated a war like a confidence game.
Not Fauci! Not Redfield! Not Azar or Birx!
No voices of reason could stop all the jerks!
From the Michigan plots to the Mexican wall,
They dashed around, stood their ground, jackasses all!
As toddlers that bite, kick, and cream at the sky,
When faced with an obstacle, “Freedom!” they cry.
So, stuck in the house, all the rest of us stew,
Making quarantine toys out of paper and glue.
As the rates of infection go up through the roof,
We master the art of the sourdough proof,
A drink in our hand, and minds far from sound,
Our waistlines grow closer and closer to round.
We’re dressed all in sweats, forever barefoot,
And our shower routine has long since gone kaput.
The house is a mess — why put anything back?
It’s not the free time but the will that I lack.
Our eyes — how they’ve wrinkled! Blood pressure — how scary!
Who knew that they body could get quite so hairy?
We’ve given up knitting, failed learning to sew.
We’ve taken to eating outside in the snow.
On work calls we desperately grin through our teeth
To hide the depression a-boil underneath.
At night we curl up with our friends on the telly,
And cheer when a Goonie escapes a Fratelli.
But tonight, we put strife on the shelf with the elf.
I will laugh and relax and feel more like myself.
Through the glory of tech we’ll unite the homestead;
No longer alone, be with family instead.
We will speak not a word before images jerk
Our mouths into smiles, Christmas magic at work.
As happiness spreads from our eyes to our toes
The distance between us will mentally close.
And while most of this year has been sharp as a thistle,
Think on this thought and rejoice with a whistle:
The year 2020 is soon out of sight.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ZOOM A GOOD NIGHT!
